The world of sugar dating has exploded in the past decade with the growth of sugar daddy websites and the destigmatization being a sugar baby (in great part due to social media). In fact, Google searches related to sugar dating have grown by 8x in the past 10 years.
Dating older men (or women) and transactional relationships may not suit everyone, but today Seeking Arrangements has 40 million users and counting, so, needless to say, sugar dating is here to stay.
And to our delight, there are more women not only openly speaking about their successful sugar dating experiences, but creating new sugar baby sites themselves. Christina Kim, founder of Agency, is a self-proclaimed sugar baby turned CEO. We picked her brain for the best sugar baby tips for beginners and she had some incredible advice.
A sugar baby is an individual that pursues relationships with sugar daddies or sugar mommies. Traditionally, sugar daddies are older, successful men and sugar babies are attractive, younger women — but that isn’t always the case.
What sets sugar dating apart from regular dating is that a sugar baby expects to receive some form of compensation or benefit for their time and energy. That benefit is usually monetary payment in the form of a monthly allowance or a pay per meet up situation.
Sugaring is meant to be a mutually beneficial relationship for both people involved, but the specifics really depend on the personal preferences of the sugar baby and the sugar daddy or sugar mommy. Some sugar daddies are in it primarily for the intimacy aspect and to hookup with new people, while others are looking for more meaningful connections, so it’s extremely important to go into your first date as a sugar baby with a clear idea of what you want and what you’re comfortable with.
Every sugar dating situation is different — what’s important is that both parties feel mutually respected and fulfilled in the dynamic.
The first step for any new sugar baby is to determine how they’ll find their potential sugar daddy (or sugar mommy). There are many different options to choose from, some much better than others, so let’s look at which sugar dating sites you should and should NOT use.
SugarDaddyMeet: SugarDaddyMeet was founded in 2007 and focuses exclusively on sugar daddy relationships between “wealthy male sugar daddies and attractive female sugar babies”. You must be 18 or older and SugarDaddyMeet requires identity verification through a submission of a photo of an ID, but they do NOT conduct background checks.
Agency: Agency is an invitation only sugar dating community for people ages 21+ that focuses on “invested relationships” over transactions. Agency requires an application, video interview, as well as identity verification. Agency also requires background checks, which is a very important differentiator from other sites.
Seeking Arrangements: Seeking Arrangements, which is now known as just “Seeking” is one of the better known sugar dating websites. Users must be 18+ and they do age and identity verification, but again, no background checks.
Ashley Madison: Ashley Madison is infamous for their data breach from 2015, as well as being a site that scammers frequent. They market themselves as a site for affairs, but there are some sugar babies that look for potential sugar daddies on there, but we would recommend looking for other options.
Dating Apps: We do NOT recommend using dating apps for the purpose of sugar dating. Many dating apps, like Tinder, specifically state in their terms of service that accepting money or sharing financial information is prohibited and will get you banned. If anyone on an online dating app asks you for money or offers to give you money in return for sexual services, it is most likely a scam, and you should block and report that person. This also goes for all other online dating apps, like Bumble, Hinge, etc...
These apply to sugar mamas as well.
What did they write about in their profile?
Red Flag: Nothing. Or alternatively has a long list of criteria that must be met. Claims “they're picky.”
Green Flag: Took the time to write about what they're looking for & what they value. Doesn’t take themselves so seriously and can have fun in the way they talk about themself. (Tip: put time and effort into your own sugar baby profile to increase your chances of finding a match!)
What do you guys talk about when initially messaging?
Red Flag: Only gives terse responses. Talks about sex right away or asks for nudes.
Green Flag: Talks about mutual interests & has a cheerful demeanor in their messages.
Have they sugar dated before? Ask about their previous arrangements.
Red Flag: They give a nonchalant answer that doesn’t give you any indication of how things went or how they felt about it.
Green Flag: They’re transparent about their previous arrangements and what they valued in their experiences.
Facetime is crucial.
Red Flag: Their home gives you bad vibes & they don’t look like their photos.
Green Flag: Their surroundings look impeccable, you like the way they talk & move, and you get the ice breakers out of the way. All of this is confirmation that this is someone you’d like to spend time with in real life.
Going on your first date:
Red Flag: “Come over to my place”. Don’t do this. It’s not safe and it’s a bad sign.
Green Flag: Invites you to lunch or dinner in a public place. They ask questions about you & want to get to know you. A platonic first date is the move of many successful sugar babies. No expectations on either side.
Red Flag: Constantly blowing up your phone & being needy/pushy.
Green Flag: Respects your personal life and is secure with time apart.
Talking about the arrangement:
Red Flag: Isn’t upfront about having the conversation. Dodges the conversation or says “I’ll take care of you” without being detailed about expectations.
Green Flag: Is direct, explicit, and respectful about what they are comfortable providing and the type of relationship they’re looking for.
A lot of sugar dating sites don’t do much to verify their users and due to the lucrative, open minded lifestyle, it can attract scammers and weirdos so it is best to approach it with caution and discernment. Below are 12 tips to help you stay safe and avoid common mistakes first time sugar babies make.
You’ve found a trustworthy sugar dating site, you’ve followed all of our safety tips and vetted the best sugar daddy, and you’re ready for your first meet up (in public)...now what?
Take it slow.
Sugar dating relationships tend to move very quickly, so it’s important to check in with yourself and make sure you’re feeling safe and maintaining your boundaries. If a sugar daddy or sugar momma is not being respectful of the boundaries you set, you have every right to disengage.
Sugar dating should be an empowering experience, so if at any point, it’s not feeling that way, it’s more than okay to pause and take a break. Otherwise, have fun and remember these tips to ensure successful and safe sugar dating relationships.
You may think you're ready & dive into the sugar dating experience but if you haven't really assessed where you are in your journey with yourself & in relation to others, you might find yourself learning these hard lessons after the fact. Any & all healthy relationships require emotional intelligence so if you can't answer these questions with yourself, you may not be ready to sugar date.
Do you see any patterns in your previous dating experiences? Because those things may become amplified in a sugar relationship if you aren’t aware.
What’s your relationship with intimacy like with yourself? Are you secure in your power or are you using intimacy as a need for validation?
How do you deal with pressure & obligation? Can you say no and communicate your boundaries? Can you speak up for yourself about things that make you uncomfortable?
Are you comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations?
A few years from now, will you be able to speak proudly about this experience or will you feel shame?
We work with online platforms to help proactively protect their communities through our innovative background check system. Get in touch to learn more about how we can integrate Garbo or help you proactively screen users at sacale.