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The world of sugar dating has exploded in the past decade with the growth of sugar daddy websites and the destigmatization being a sugar baby (in great part due to social media). In fact, Google searches related to sugar dating have grown by 8x in the past 10 years.

Dating older men (or women) and transactional relationships may not suit everyone, but today Seeking Arrangements has 40 million users and counting, so, needless to say, sugar dating is here to stay.

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What is a Sugar Baby?

A sugar baby is an individual that pursues relationships with sugar daddies or sugar mommies. Traditionally, sugar daddies are older, successful men and sugar babies are attractive, younger women — but that isn’t always the case.

What sets sugar dating apart from regular dating is that a sugar baby expects to receive some form of compensation or benefit for their time and energy. That benefit is usually monetary payment in the form of a monthly allowance or a pay per meet up situation.

Sugaring is meant to be a mutually beneficial relationship for both people involved, but the specifics really depend on the personal preferences of the sugar baby and the sugar daddy or sugar mommy. Some sugar daddies are in it primarily for the intimacy aspect and to hookup with new people, while others are looking for more meaningful connections, so it’s extremely important to go into your first date as a sugar baby with a clear idea of what you want and what you’re comfortable with.

Every sugar dating situation is different — what’s important is that both parties feel mutually respected and fulfilled in the dynamic.

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How to Choose the Right Sugar Dating Site

The first step for any new sugar baby is to determine how they’ll find their potential sugar daddy (or sugar mommy). There are many different options to choose from, some much better than others, so let’s look at which sugar dating sites you should and should NOT use.

SugarDaddyMeet: SugarDaddyMeet was founded in 2007 and focuses exclusively on sugar daddy relationships between “wealthy male sugar daddies and attractive female sugar babies”. You must be 18 or older and SugarDaddyMeet requires identity verification through a submission of a photo of an ID, but they do NOT conduct background checks.

Agency: Agency is an invitation only sugar dating community for people ages 21+ that focuses on “invested relationships” over transactions. Agency requires an application, video interview, as well as identity verification. Agency also requires background checks, which is a very important differentiator from other sites.

Seeking Arrangements: Seeking Arrangements, which is now known as just “Seeking” is one of the better known sugar dating websites. Users must be 18+ and they do age and identity verification, but again, no background checks.  

Ashley Madison: Ashley Madison is infamous for their data breach from 2015, as well as being a site that scammers frequent. They market themselves as a site for affairs, but there are some sugar babies that look for potential sugar daddies on there, but we would recommend looking for other options.

Dating Apps: We do NOT recommend using dating apps for the purpose of sugar dating. Many dating apps, like Tinder, specifically state in their terms of service that accepting money or sharing financial information is prohibited and will get you banned. If anyone on an online dating app asks you for money or offers to give you money in return for sexual services, it is most likely a scam, and you should block and report that person. This also goes for all other online dating apps, like Bumble, Hinge, etc...

You should always read each platform’s Terms of Service and Privacy Policy to ensure you’re complying with their standards and following all of their rules.

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How to Vet a Sugar Daddy (by Red Flags and Green Flags)

These apply to sugar mamas as well.

What did they write about in their profile?

Red Flag: Nothing. Or alternatively has a long list of criteria that must be met. Claims “they're picky.”

Green Flag: Took the time to write about what they're looking for & what they value. Doesn’t take themselves so seriously and can have fun in the way they talk about themself. (Tip: put time and effort into your own sugar baby profile to increase your chances of finding a match!)

What do you guys talk about when initially messaging?

Red Flag: Only gives terse responses. Talks about sex right away or asks for nudes.

Green Flag: Talks about mutual interests & has a cheerful demeanor in their messages.

Have they sugar dated before? Ask about their previous arrangements.

Red Flag: They give a nonchalant answer that doesn’t give you any indication of how things went or how they felt about it.

Green Flag: They’re transparent about their previous arrangements and what they valued in their experiences.

Facetime is crucial.

Red Flag: Their home gives you bad vibes & they don’t look like their photos.

Green Flag: Their surroundings look impeccable, you like the way they talk & move, and you get the ice breakers out of the way. All of this is confirmation that this is someone you’d like to spend time with in real life.

Going on your first date:

Red Flag: “Come over to my place”. Don’t do this. It’s not safe and it’s a bad sign.

Green Flag: Invites you to lunch or dinner in a public place. They ask questions about you & want to get to know you. A platonic first date is the move of many successful sugar babies. No expectations on either side.

Texting:
Red Flag: Constantly blowing up your phone & being needy/pushy.

Green Flag: Respects your personal life and is secure with time apart.

Talking about the arrangement:

Red Flag: Isn’t upfront about having the conversation. Dodges the conversation or says “I’ll take care of you” without being detailed about expectations.

Green Flag: Is direct, explicit, and respectful about what they are comfortable providing and the type of relationship they’re looking for.

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How to Maintain Safety & Privacy as a Sugar Baby

A lot of sugar dating sites don’t do much to verify their users and due to the lucrative, open minded lifestyle, it can attract scammers and weirdos so it is best to approach it with caution and discernment. Below are 12 tips to help you stay safe and avoid common mistakes first time sugar babies make.

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1. It’s best to keep messaging on the sugar daddy site itself, but if you decide to move the conversation offline, you can use a google voice phone number instead of giving your real number.
2. Use a nickname or alias on your sugar baby profile (you can decide later on whether to share your real name after you get to know someone).
3. You should always Facetime or video call with your potential sugar daddy before you decide to meet in-person.
4. Always meet in a public place for the first time.
5. Tell your friends you’re going on a date and share your location.
6. The conversation should be about more than just money & sex. That is an oversimplification of this dynamic that could lead you down a path that you aren’t fully ready to navigate (sugar daddy dating is not the same thing as sex work).
7. Instead: Make sure you genuinely enjoy spending time with this person. Learn about them & their story. It really should feel like a different form of dating! Don’t be afraid to ask questions. If you feel uncertain about anything, it’s best to clear it up.
8. Until you are sure you are genuinely comfortable spending time with this person, don’t agree on a PPM (Pay Per Meet) arrangement. If you meet up with them and decide you don’t like their vibe, but have already agreed to a PPM, it might lead to unclear expectations that can be tricky to get out of.
9. It’s not always safe to accept money from strangers on the internet. You should always be skeptical of “free money” no matter how good a sugar baby allowance may sound.
10. Do not feel obligated to share too much about yourself in a sugar baby relationship. There are certain personal details that should stay private.
11. You may be exposed to many different types of relationships from open relationships, poly, threesomes, platonic, friends with benefits, kink, and monogamous relationships. Not all of them have to be for you, so don’t push yourself to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
12. You should never be expected to pay anyone or give them your credit card or bank account details.
13. Do proper research on any potential sugar daddies: google search their name/location and use a background check service, like Garbo to see if they have a history of harm or violence. (Keep in mind that a clean criminal record does not guarantee that this person is not a dangerous individual so always use caution.)
14. Trust your gut. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

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Take Things Slow and Check in With Yourself

You’ve found a trustworthy sugar dating site, you’ve followed all of our safety tips and vetted the best sugar daddy, and you’re ready for your first meet up (in public)...now what?

Take it slow.

Sugar dating relationships tend to move very quickly, so it’s important to check in with yourself and make sure you’re feeling safe and maintaining your boundaries. If a sugar daddy or sugar momma is not being respectful of the boundaries you set, you have every right to disengage.

Sugar dating should be an empowering experience, so if at any point, it’s not feeling that way, it’s more than okay to pause and take a break. Otherwise, have fun and remember these tips to ensure successful and safe sugar dating relationships.

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BONUS: Self-Assessment: Are You Ready to Sugar Date?

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You may think you're ready & dive into the sugar dating experience but if you haven't really assessed where you are in your journey with yourself & in relation to others, you might find yourself learning these hard lessons after the fact. Any & all healthy relationships require emotional intelligence so if you can't answer these questions with yourself, you may not be ready to sugar date.

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Do you see any patterns in your previous dating experiences? Because those things may become amplified in a sugar relationship if you aren’t aware.

• Sugar relationships tend to move fast. Being aware of the patterns you don’t want to fall back into, is the first step in setting healthy boundaries for yourself.

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What’s your relationship with intimacy like with yourself? Are you secure in your power or are you using intimacy as a need for validation?

• Your worth is not tied to the monetary value/support someone is willing to provide for you. If you feel the need to prove you're worthy or deserving of more financial support, you may find yourself doing things you’re not comfortable with in order to receive the validation you long for. You need to be so secure in yourself that you can separate yourself from that aspect of the dynamic.

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How do you deal with pressure & obligation? Can you say no and communicate your boundaries? Can you speak up for yourself about things that make you uncomfortable?

• Just because someone is financially supporting you does not mean you need to comply with everything they want.

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Are you comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations?

• You really can’t wait for the other person to bring up conversations around money or intimacy boundaries. You have to be pragmatic about having those awkward conversations upfront! I promise it’ll lead to a happier & longer lasting arrangement.

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A few years from now, will you be able to speak proudly about this experience or will you feel shame?

• Your mindset, intention, & approach will determine the story you tell. You have the choice to create the experience you want. It's in your control & that's what having Agency means.

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